Wants to revolt?

hi everyone.. i want to revolt against abusive husband .. i used to be a very happy girl before M but after marrying to my hubby i am just sad always ... i have forgotten the days when i used to cheer every moment of my life . I am not allowed to do anything besides being professionally qualified. I am loosing confidence in myself.. Becoz of dirty rules of society i am suggested to do adjustment always ..Hard Realities overcome emotions when we have kids with us . I wanna live .. i want to try myself once again in life but not feeling enough confident .. why i am so hurt just by my husband ,... i want to detatch myself emotionally from him ..he never loved me .. why do i love him .. why i am so afraid not to revolt .. standing up for oneself is no crime then why i am not able to dare ....He got all happiness of his life as he was already involved with someone before M but its me who feel vac of emotions in my life ..Whats the best way to survive? so many q... i have asked ..thx